Only In Hell Would This Be Funny
So there I am sitting at my desk, its nearly six o'clock and my goal of leaving work no later than five thirty is gone and my new goal of leaving at six is in jeopardy when all of sudden this random thought pops into my head: Only in hell would this be funny. Where did this come from? What would be funny in hell? My job? My life?
My work day started around 8:00AM. With one person on vacation, it fell to me to start getting reports for one our clients ready. Okay, rolling along and then a snag...one of the reports shows shipping carryover that it shouldn't. Okay, open e-mail to send an urgent e-mail to get this taken care of. Hmm....nearly a 100 other e-mails that need my attention as soon as I can get these reports done. E-mail sent.
Now about these e-mails...let's troll through and get delete the spam, delete the notices alerting me to e-mails in other accounts that I don't have time to get to. Okay, start opening e-mails, reviewing reports, delete.
Crap, I've got to finish those check refunds. Since the billing department is still short one person, I had to review the check refunds...and because the powers that be in IT had yet to enter a work order to program for printing of these checks, I had to hand write all the checks. And because we're short in billing and because volume is at least twice what the client told us, I can now disburse the refunds, print labels, get them in the mail.
Instant Message..are you joining the call? Crap, a call with yet another client...forget it was moved up three hours. Okay, Okay, I'm calling in. Where did these other e-mails come from? Another instant message...can you look at an account? More e-mails. Stuffing envelopes while trying to take notes to update project plan. Another instant message...can I please make our salesman shut up. He's promising things that our phone system can't do. Trust me, the man talks to me like an idiot and if there was a smite button on my keyboard, he'd be toast. Make the most of it, can't air dirty laundry in front of the client. Salesman is talking...I'm now in physical pain...can anyone make it stop? More e-mails are coming in. My phone is ringing, but I can't answer because I'm on a call that should have been over in 15 minutes now over half an hour. Can I please correct the project plan? Uh, well, my calendar says that next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday is the 6th, 7th and 8th....what do you want me to change it to? The client chimes in....those dates are right. Salesman stumbles, but keeps talking. Obviously, he gets paid for every word he speaks...that must be why he keeps talking, repeating what everyone says, but twisting it so it is no longer accurate. Another one of our guys jumps in and trys to correct it. Another IM..can you look at this account for me?
Crap, the Escrow Reconciliation for another client was due yesterday. Put call on mute while I print what I need, update it, send it. More e-mails are piling up.
Reports for another client pop-up. Take a look at them, fix the formatting and send them on. Then comes the e-mail....don't send those reports...we may have an issue. Hmm...you're a little late on that.
Finally, the call is over. Oh thank you, God!!
Finish the check refunds. Plow through e-mails. Read, respond. What is this?? Is everyone smoking crack?
Listen to voicemails. I can ignore all of them.
Review the invoices...send e-mail to accounting about revenue being assigned to the wrong location.
Oh yeah, have to do one thing from the wedding list. Call the jewelry store. Did you find out if the manufacturer of my ring makes a matching band? Why they wouldn't is beyond me. I can tell that the idiot never checked into it. Why am I not surprised...it's only been two months since we were in the store asking...she looked at my ring and said she'd never seen anything like it? Really? It came from this store...you sold it to him! She'll follow-up and get right back to me. Uh, huh, not holding my breath.
More e-mails, more reports, more phone calls. The mail comes, more work for billing. Not like we're not always a week behind.
Run to PetSmart...the pet store that has everything that you need....except for the "bed steps" that I happen to need. Great...lovely waste of time.
Access the on-line inquiries, work on them, work on them, work on them, work on them. More instant messages...can I see if these accounts have valid refunds. Yes, but they did it wrong, no and no. Please follow-up with the appropriate supervisors and ask them if their people actually passed their training certification tests.
Another voicemail...can I send an application to open a merchant account? Send snappy e-mail....No, we don't do this. How many times do I have to tell this guy that we don't do this? Does he speak English and only understand Swahili?
Various other requests, email, issues, problems...yadda, yadda, yadda.....
It's raining...actually it's pouring. I'd pray that the power would go out, but we would also need a lightening strike to take out the generator.
Instant Message...the phone ringing is me, please pick up. Okay, Okay. Where do you find the file...okay, go here and then here and then here...yeah, see that folder...open it...lots of files for you to play with. I know, I know.......I asked a number of times, but they won't commit to programming...we'll buy what we want and then they'll have to work with it.
E-mail from accounting confirming my earlier e-mail that revenue was assigned to the wrong location. Yes, but can we fix it?
Okay, I am now officially 4 days behind...but I'm leaving. I've got to go the grocery store. My staff worries that this is a bad idea...something about seeing me on the eleven o'clock news and not having bail money.
Driving...people are idiots. If you're going to turn, get into the turning lane...that is why it's there. Don't stop in this lane and then cut across the turn lane. The light is green....that means you can go. Yes, people, it looks like it might rain...that doesn't mean that you have to drive like it actually is raining.
Grocery store...okay, they still don't have this new thing for which I have a coupon. My luck, it will be available one day after my coupon expires. Okay, backtrack because I forgot something an aisle over...now two aisles over. Head for the self checkout. What's this.....a nice kid...yes, it would be lovely if you'd go ahead and scan all those 12 packs of soda while they're in the cart. Oh and you're going to put the paper towels and toilet paper down there to and help me out. Little did I know that only moments later, the house of cards would come undone all over the parking lot from bad stacking....in the pouring rain. Okay, it is really raining, hard. Getting soaked...drenched.....really soaked. Finally, all the groceries slung into the back of the bubaru....slam the cart into the cart holder.....jump into the car. Man, I am really, really soaked.
And you know what, only in hell would this be funny!
My work day started around 8:00AM. With one person on vacation, it fell to me to start getting reports for one our clients ready. Okay, rolling along and then a snag...one of the reports shows shipping carryover that it shouldn't. Okay, open e-mail to send an urgent e-mail to get this taken care of. Hmm....nearly a 100 other e-mails that need my attention as soon as I can get these reports done. E-mail sent.
Now about these e-mails...let's troll through and get delete the spam, delete the notices alerting me to e-mails in other accounts that I don't have time to get to. Okay, start opening e-mails, reviewing reports, delete.
Crap, I've got to finish those check refunds. Since the billing department is still short one person, I had to review the check refunds...and because the powers that be in IT had yet to enter a work order to program for printing of these checks, I had to hand write all the checks. And because we're short in billing and because volume is at least twice what the client told us, I can now disburse the refunds, print labels, get them in the mail.
Instant Message..are you joining the call? Crap, a call with yet another client...forget it was moved up three hours. Okay, Okay, I'm calling in. Where did these other e-mails come from? Another instant message...can you look at an account? More e-mails. Stuffing envelopes while trying to take notes to update project plan. Another instant message...can I please make our salesman shut up. He's promising things that our phone system can't do. Trust me, the man talks to me like an idiot and if there was a smite button on my keyboard, he'd be toast. Make the most of it, can't air dirty laundry in front of the client. Salesman is talking...I'm now in physical pain...can anyone make it stop? More e-mails are coming in. My phone is ringing, but I can't answer because I'm on a call that should have been over in 15 minutes now over half an hour. Can I please correct the project plan? Uh, well, my calendar says that next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday is the 6th, 7th and 8th....what do you want me to change it to? The client chimes in....those dates are right. Salesman stumbles, but keeps talking. Obviously, he gets paid for every word he speaks...that must be why he keeps talking, repeating what everyone says, but twisting it so it is no longer accurate. Another one of our guys jumps in and trys to correct it. Another IM..can you look at this account for me?
Crap, the Escrow Reconciliation for another client was due yesterday. Put call on mute while I print what I need, update it, send it. More e-mails are piling up.
Reports for another client pop-up. Take a look at them, fix the formatting and send them on. Then comes the e-mail....don't send those reports...we may have an issue. Hmm...you're a little late on that.
Finally, the call is over. Oh thank you, God!!
Finish the check refunds. Plow through e-mails. Read, respond. What is this?? Is everyone smoking crack?
Listen to voicemails. I can ignore all of them.
Review the invoices...send e-mail to accounting about revenue being assigned to the wrong location.
Oh yeah, have to do one thing from the wedding list. Call the jewelry store. Did you find out if the manufacturer of my ring makes a matching band? Why they wouldn't is beyond me. I can tell that the idiot never checked into it. Why am I not surprised...it's only been two months since we were in the store asking...she looked at my ring and said she'd never seen anything like it? Really? It came from this store...you sold it to him! She'll follow-up and get right back to me. Uh, huh, not holding my breath.
More e-mails, more reports, more phone calls. The mail comes, more work for billing. Not like we're not always a week behind.
Run to PetSmart...the pet store that has everything that you need....except for the "bed steps" that I happen to need. Great...lovely waste of time.
Access the on-line inquiries, work on them, work on them, work on them, work on them. More instant messages...can I see if these accounts have valid refunds. Yes, but they did it wrong, no and no. Please follow-up with the appropriate supervisors and ask them if their people actually passed their training certification tests.
Another voicemail...can I send an application to open a merchant account? Send snappy e-mail....No, we don't do this. How many times do I have to tell this guy that we don't do this? Does he speak English and only understand Swahili?
Various other requests, email, issues, problems...yadda, yadda, yadda.....
It's raining...actually it's pouring. I'd pray that the power would go out, but we would also need a lightening strike to take out the generator.
Instant Message...the phone ringing is me, please pick up. Okay, Okay. Where do you find the file...okay, go here and then here and then here...yeah, see that folder...open it...lots of files for you to play with. I know, I know.......I asked a number of times, but they won't commit to programming...we'll buy what we want and then they'll have to work with it.
E-mail from accounting confirming my earlier e-mail that revenue was assigned to the wrong location. Yes, but can we fix it?
Okay, I am now officially 4 days behind...but I'm leaving. I've got to go the grocery store. My staff worries that this is a bad idea...something about seeing me on the eleven o'clock news and not having bail money.
Driving...people are idiots. If you're going to turn, get into the turning lane...that is why it's there. Don't stop in this lane and then cut across the turn lane. The light is green....that means you can go. Yes, people, it looks like it might rain...that doesn't mean that you have to drive like it actually is raining.
Grocery store...okay, they still don't have this new thing for which I have a coupon. My luck, it will be available one day after my coupon expires. Okay, backtrack because I forgot something an aisle over...now two aisles over. Head for the self checkout. What's this.....a nice kid...yes, it would be lovely if you'd go ahead and scan all those 12 packs of soda while they're in the cart. Oh and you're going to put the paper towels and toilet paper down there to and help me out. Little did I know that only moments later, the house of cards would come undone all over the parking lot from bad stacking....in the pouring rain. Okay, it is really raining, hard. Getting soaked...drenched.....really soaked. Finally, all the groceries slung into the back of the bubaru....slam the cart into the cart holder.....jump into the car. Man, I am really, really soaked.
And you know what, only in hell would this be funny!
posted by Hope at 9:12 PM
8 Comments:
OK, so things aren't obviously going well.....you are going to hurt me when I get back aren't you...
Of course not (okay...maybe just a little...just kidding)! Just a little healthy venting! I hope your trip is going well and you're having tons of fun!
Hi Hope
"Breath in", "Breath out", Breath in", "Breath out"...K...K...
Now...Yes this is funny if you're one of the millions of people who goes through the same frustration at their job everyday (like me)...:)
Yes we wish email had never been invented! Right now we're going through a "business system" change, to a new system that everyone (except the accountants) hates. Described as "having open heart surgery while running a marathon."
On top of this the big bosses put up a goal for the month that would be a record month, and no "we're not aloud to use "the new system" as an excuse" even if no one can do their job, and the guys in the shop can't find the parts to make the product, much less ship it out the door...
Know that you are not alone! Vent on us until you feel better, because that's what we are here for. "My shoulder" is yours any time you need it...:)
At work, my mantra is "Breathe in, Breathe out, In with the butterflies, out with (insert aggravation of the moment!)
One of our IT guys describes an "upgrade" as taking a system that works and turning it into one that doesn't!
As soon as the Boston Red Sox won the world series I knew Hell froze over. Therefore, we are in hell.
Great post!
PS, I love the Red Sox so I wasn't putting them down!!
Actually, according to a baseball joke I heard one time, it would be the Texas Rangers winning the world series that would cause hell to freeze over! Glad you enjoyed!
Can't help ya with IT, rain, emails or voicemails... but Fosters and Smith sell the bed steps. :-)
mtnbiker: Are you sure you can't help with some of those other things? I'm willing to share the pain!
Post a Comment
<< Home